Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
