Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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