I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
