how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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