I think my fart just growled at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
