Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
