My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When are your genitals available?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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