apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize