I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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