i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
