Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
