Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
