we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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