There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
