I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize