I hate your face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
