I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
