In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
