Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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