I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
