I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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