between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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