I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
