anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize