WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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