Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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