the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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