So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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