Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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