I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
