god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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