never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
