Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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