if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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