there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize