Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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