cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
