This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
