It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
