Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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