I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
