I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
