A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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