Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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