Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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