I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
