i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
