What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
