apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
