he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
