Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
