i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
