Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
