this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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