I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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