Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
