cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
