Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
