just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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