he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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