Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
