ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
