When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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