i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
