How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
