i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
