You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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