Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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