Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
