you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You have to summon your inner elephant
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
